Death By Chocolate
by Deirdre Puney
Summary: "I board the train, going through the motions. I smile all the way, no one notices the way I clutch my book with white knuckles. No one sees it, good." Hermione has a secret, one no ever guessed. With Voldemort killing left and right she get the feeling s
1. The Ingrediants

Death By Chocolate  
  
  
Sometimes is never quite enough  
If you're flawless, Then you'll win my love  
Don't forget to win first place  
Don't forget to keep that smile on you face  
  
  
I board the train, going through the motions. I smile all the way, no one notices the way I clutch my book with white knuckles. No one sees it, good.   
  
I turn; Ron, Harry, and Ginny are all running up to me. I try to make my smile bigger, it's painful. I wrap my arms around the closest one, and then in turn give each a hug.   
  
I missed you guys,I say trying to sound happy. It wasn't a lie, but I felt guilt flush over me. If I had gotten higher on the finals-  
  
Why couldn't you come an visit us this summer? Ginny asks, looking very glad to see me.   
  
I wave it off, and get a look of tolerance, Mum and dad thought I might be in danger there...Ha! Completely ridiculous. It was a good lie, I had thought it carefully while was being punished.   
  
Be a good girl   
You've gotta try a little harder  
That simply wasn't good enough  
To make us proud  
  
I had come in second on the finals in one of my classes. Second. Mum and Dad weren't happy. To say the least.   
  
So what did you do this summer?   
  
I shrug, Oh you know the usual. A lot of studying.   
  
Ron rolls his eyes and looks at me with mock disgust, and Harry smiles. H  
e has changed since last year, since Cedric.   
  
What about you guys? I hope you at least opened your Arithmancy books, it's mandatory for you this year. I chirp, the slight hysterical note in my voice is lost in my bossy tones.   
  
Of course they didn't. They went to visit the Muggle village and stayed out all night long, Mum had their hides. Ginny's eyes dance with amusement.  
  
We board the train, I look about me. It feels eerie- I notice the look of uneasiness on some peoples faces and pure unadultered fear on others. The only blissully ignorant are the muggle first years. The train starts off towards Hogwarts.   
  
Neville comes into our compartment, They're missing. His face is white, whiter than marble or ice or iocane powder.   
  
Asks Harry looking alarmed.   
  
The Abbots. Hannah, her brother Thomas, both the parents. He sits down.   
  
Hannah-she's in OUR year, Neville says like he can't believe it could happen to somebody he knows. That it could happen at all.   
  
What happened to them? Ginny asks, not really needing to ask.   
  
The killing curse on the children. The parents were tortured first, then...He didn't need to say anymore. It was obviously taking everything he had just to get that out.   
  
Harry's face contorts, anger- no, rage appears in every fiber of his being. He looks like a silent tempest green eyes flashing, hands clenched. His hate for Voldemort surrounds him.   
  
I feel nothing. I am sickened by myself for that. I am dead inside. I'm crying, but not for them- I'm a selfish selfish bitch.   
  
Where is your Heart?  
Where has it run to?   
  
A/n: More later if anyone reviews....


	2. 1 Baked Pastery Shell

A/N: All the songs aren't mine, on the first chapter it's Alannis Moresette, and on this page it's Beatles.  
  
  
Woke up, fell out of bed,  
Dragged a comb across my head  
  
  
Images flashing around me, it's a dark street. I can smell the trash scattered on the ground. The trees are moving back and forth creating a warped light effect. Something is behind me. I feel my wand, I feel it in my hand. It is cold and strong. It is powerful.  
  
Avada Kedavra. The words are echoing around me- did I say them? Yes- no the person behind me did. No it could not be, it can't be, no, no-  
I wake up breathing hard. Luckily I didn't scream this time, last time Mum and Dad hadn't been happy. I can never please them.  
  
We were talking-about the love that's gone so cold and the people,  
Who gain the world and lose their soul-  
  
I walk into the prefect's bathroom, red towel on my arm. The dÈcor had been  
changed again. The tub was tiled in gold, black, and silver. The walls were a  
neutral purple. Hideous.  
  
The tub water sinks around me. No perfumes, no bubbles. Just water. I sigh, and close my eyes. Maybe if I keep them closed long enough it will all go away. I'll sink down to the bottom and no one will ever care or ever know. Maybe I'll come back like Moaning Mertle, Not a happy thought.  
  
my eyes are open. I turn my head, near slamming it on the perfect  
tile. It's just Ginny.  
  
Oh hi, Gin.  
  
What are you doing here? I should ask her the same, she's not even a prefect, but I donít want to seem hostile.  
Couldn't sleep- worried about Christmas finales, school excuses they work like a charm.  
  
Ginny smiles and says smiling, Hermione, itís only September.  
  
She comes over to where I am, Can I ask you something?  
  
She says it so quietly. Why?  
  
Hermione, you know how I've always been with Harry. I- I , he is worried though, and I never thought of it, but I just Im worried-too now, that you- you.... She trails off. I know what she's saying. Harry had taken interest in her.  
  
I don't like Harry that way, I promise.  
  
That's- that is so great! Are you sure? Because if you- you know- DID, then I would stay far away. Now would be the time to ask her why she's here. Oh well. Does it matter?  
  
Ginny leaves on clouds of bliss about Harry. I stay in the giant pool/tub.  
  
They'll be a cute couple.  
  
Do you need anybody,  
I need somebody to love.  
Could it be anybody  
I want somebody to love  
  
I'm not jealous of Harry or Ginny, or anyone else. I'm dead inside. Dead. There is nothing that can pull me out. No one. I can do my schoolwork and later on get a job.  
  
A great job. Thats what everyone wants. To get a great job and grow up.  
  
Oh joy.  
  
I won't be able to do it. I might make it through this year, but it will be the last if something doesn't change. Nothing will.  
  
I get up and dry off and pretend I'm fine. It's four in the morning and I'm fine.My new motto. I smile ironically.  
  
What was Ginny doing up at four in the morning?   
  
I climb back into bed and wait for the morning sun to peek through the windows of my dorm. The windows are small, like a prison. I belong here.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
